Isn’t it funny how one little call can change so much?
A few weeks ago, I got a call I didn’t anticipate, letting me know that two little embryos, two little lives my husband and I had created, had been stripped of their life.
The babies we wanted to love and cherish every moment of their lives were no longer alive. They were gone before we even had a chance to name them. The heart that had swelled with more love than I ever imagined possible for little cells multiplying in my womb sunk deep within me.
I had been praying. I trusted in God to bring the babies safely into my arms. But in His wisdom, He called them to Himself instead. When I had calmed myself, I texted a dear friend and told her that my little ones were no longer on this earth. Her response stopped me in my tracks.
“Oh no,” she wrote, “Blessed be the name of the Lord.”
I expected sympathy. I expected her to decry the injustice of my babies being taken from me.
I never expected her to offer praise to their maker. She echoed words of Job: “The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.” – Job 1:21, ESVIn my moment of despair, I was angry at God. Why had He given me the joy of their little lives only to rip them from my womb? I was doubting the goodness and wisdom of the One I claimed to trust. My heart wasn’t in it, but I needed to praise.
Because without that God, my hope would shatter into despair.My heart wasn’t in it, but I needed to praise. Because without that God, my hope would shatter into despair. Click To Tweet
If I didn’t know that my God was watching my despair, bottling my tears, and weaving together a beautiful, perfect plan, I don’t think I could have gone on. But I can move on because the Lord, He is a good God. Jesus may have called my little ones home, but I know He is holding them in perfect love. They will never know the sting of the scratched knee or hurtful words, they will only know His goodness.
Because of His goodness, I will bless His name.
My friend was right to draw my mind to God’s goodness. She comforted me without allowing me to fall into despair. When life is hard, when plans go array, I need to remember where my hope is found. It is not in the future I have planned for myself nor in the children I desired, it is grounded solely and firmly in the Lord. Praising Him in the midst of hardship puts this into perspective. It reminds me of His sovereignty and comforts my aching heart.
Job knew my grief even more poignantly. He had just lost his 10 children all at once. But he praised the name of the Lord nonetheless. Because even in our darkest moment, God still is good and still deserves our praise.
The pain of pregnancy loss is not lost on God. He knows what it is to lose a child.My pain is not lost on God. He knows what it is to lose a child. Click To Tweet
He willingly sent His son to be mocked, scorned, tortured, and executed upon a cross for me and for you. How dare I doubt the goodness of one who would go to such an extreme to demonstrate His love for me? But yet, I do doubt and must force myself to call to mind His goodness and faithfulness to me. So I praise. I remember what God has done for me. I preach the truth of His gospel to myself when I doubt what is real and find myself chasing the promises of this world.
God has promised to redeem every moment of my life.
Nothing that has happened, nothing that will happen, will be untouched by His grace. While everything Job has was returned to him doubled, he only had 10 more children. Because the lost children, they were never really lost. They were being held and loved by their Maker. They were cradled closely to His bosom just as my little ones are. My hope is found in the goodness of my God. He loved my little ones more than I did. He acted wisely. I don’t know why and I probably never will this side of heaven. But I do know that if it is what God has ordained, if I knew what He knew, I wouldn’t choose it another way.
So I can say boldly, “Blessed be the name of the Lord.”