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The Thin Place

When Your Announcement Just Isn’t Coming

Last year, I ordered a shirt on Etsy. It was one of those adorable “I’m Pregnant” tank tops. If you haven’t gone through infertility you’re probably wondering why I would torture myself that way. Let me explain myself.

First of all, I am a compulsive Type-A. I like having all my ducks in a row and then I typical order at least one set of back up ducks into a line just in case. I knew that I wouldn’t be able to hold in the news of the life inside of me long enough to order a shirt and wait for it to come in. If I wanted to share the news that way, I needed it ahead of time. Secondly, we didn’t know were were infertile yet. We’d been trying for a few months but kept assuring ourselves that it just takes tine. Finally, it was Christmas time and hope filled the air. When you live in Hawaii and your family is on the East Coast, you prepare for every opportunity you might have to tell them anything in person.

I wish I could tell you that shirt was the only thing I bought but it wasn’t. In the back of my closet next to that grey tank top also sits a navy “Daddy in Training” shirt and about 20 little boxes I was going to use to announce our, surely any day now, pregnancy to my husband and our family. Less than a year has gone by but everything has changed.

img_0078do-something-today-that-your-future-self-will-thank-you-forimg_0074img_0072

This morning, I took the last pregnancy test I had stashed away under the sink. It was a feeble attempt to stay hopeful. After the news we received last week, the words that broke our hearts, I knew the two pink lines would mean a certifiable miracle had taken place. Truthfully, I was hoping we would need to call the Vatican. I believe in a land of extraordinary miracles, but I also believe in the ordinary, everyday miracles of doctors with great skill. I try to remind myself often to be open to whatever miracle the Lord has to offer me, even if it is the miracle of the Holy Spirit equipping me with patience and joy while the answer remains no.

Of course, the test was in vain but there was a sense of relief in finally throwing the last one away. Holding onto this “maybe one day” item, it seared a hole into my heart every time I noticed it in my bathroom cabinet. The news played through my mind freshly and I realized, that dream, it was gone, anew again. Throwing it away my mind of the rollercoaster of wondering if this month is the month, if my nausea is morning sickness, if my hope will be fulfilled, even if the taking it and seeing only one line appear hurt like hell.

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There are still the shirts in the back of the closet and I still pray against hope that one day, I will pull them out. I know now that, it won’t be unexpected, crying in the bathroom with a stick I just peed on, experience, but a very planned experience that will involve doctors and labs and many people I never dreamed of being apart of the intimate baby-making my husband and I dreamed of. But today, I hope against hope and I pray for a miracle, any way I can get one.

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The Comments

  • Nina
    April 27, 2017

    And you’ll be excited and nervous and anxious and did I mention nervous? Just the same. It just won’t be in your bathroom. It won’t be cuddly and sniffly and intimate and yet it will be special to you. I will pray you won’t lose hope. ?

    Reply
    • Bailey
      Nina
      April 27, 2017

      Thank you so much, Nina.

      Reply
  • To Your Impatient Heart: His Promise is Still True - The Thin Place
    July 7, 2017

    […] infertility, pain, and deployments, the heat of life bears down. I am wandering through the desert like Abram […]

    Reply
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Hello, I’m Bailey
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Hello, I’m Bailey

The Thin Place was born out of a season of struggle. A season where I felt stretched thin and desperately longed to see the goodness of God in the land of the living. The goodness of God showed up in unexpected ways. During that season, the spiritual disciplines laid out in Scripture, the traditions of the Church, and the reminders of His faithfulness seen in liturgial living and the feasts and seasons of the Church calendar all opened my eyes to the hope we have in Christ.

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Baruch, as you may recall from the book of Jeremiah, was the scribe of Jeremiah. This is a prophetic book written by Baruch calling the people of Jerusalem to repent of their idol worship and return to the Lord. 
Baruch is a great reminder of the importance of confession. The book opens with a call to make respond.
Then they wept, and fasted, and prayed before the Lord; and they collected money, each giving what he could – Baruch 1:5-6 RSVCE 
Baruch is a collection of the response to sin – both the acknowledgment of sin and the call to God’s mercy. 
#christianwoman #graceupongrace #jesusgirl #inspiredfaith #womenlivingwell #jesuscalling #faithfilledcaptions #catholicblogger #Catholicconvert #CatholicWoman #chasingsacred #christianwomenleaders #bibleverse #biblestudy  #christianblogger #faithinhim #proverbs31woman #faithful #Godisgood #encouragementgallery #godslove #christianposts #christianquote #prayer #prayertime 
#biblequotes #bibleinspiration
thethinplace
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Baruch, as you may recall from the book of Jeremiah, was the scribe of Jeremiah. This is a prophetic book written by Baruch calling the people of Jerusalem to repent of their idol worship and return to the Lord. Baruch is a great reminder of the importance of confession. The book opens with a call to make respond. Then they wept, and fasted, and prayed before the Lord; and they collected money, each giving what he could – Baruch 1:5-6 RSVCE Baruch is a collection of the response to sin – both the acknowledgment of sin and the call to God’s mercy. #christianwoman #graceupongrace #jesusgirl #inspiredfaith #womenlivingwell #jesuscalling #faithfilledcaptions #catholicblogger #Catholicconvert #CatholicWoman #chasingsacred #christianwomenleaders #bibleverse #biblestudy #christianblogger #faithinhim #proverbs31woman #faithful #Godisgood #encouragementgallery #godslove #christianposts #christianquote #prayer #prayertime #biblequotes #bibleinspiration
4 weeks ago
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1/5
The Book of Sirach is part of the Wisdom literature of the Bible. It was also written during the Maccabean revolt to encourage the people to hold fast to their Jewish faith and not to neglect the traditions and commandments handed down to them. 
Sirach is one of the books of the Bible found among the Dead Sea Scrolls in the late 1940s. It is also found in every copy of the Septuagint suggesting that is was considered to be Scripture by the Greek speaking Jews of that period.
It is full of practical, clear wisdom that is incredibly applicable to our lives today such as: 
The greater you are, the more you must humble yourself; so you will find favor in the sight of the Lord. - Sirach 3:18
The higher your position, the more you have to actively seek humility. When you are in a low position, when you rely on others, humility is a more natural disposition and you recognize your dependence on God. When you are great, you need to actively seek humility. 
Do not say, “Because of the Lord I left the right way”; for he will not do what he hates. - Sirach 15:11
This is pretty straightforward. We cannot blame the Lord when we choose sin. The Lord does not do what He hates. He will always provide a way for us to choose good and it adds to our shame when we choose sin and blame God for it. 
A slip on the pavement is better than a slip of the tongue; so the downfall of the wicked will occur speedily. - Sirach 20:18
As the Book of James expands upon the importance of bridling your tongue but more abut consistently in the Book of Sirach we are exhorted to keep charge over our tongues. Ironically, this is much easier said than done. 
Whether you’re new to the wisdom literature or have spent years pouring over proverbs, Sirach is a great place to begin in living a wiser, more biblical life. 
#bibletime #biblereading #readyourbible #proverbs31woman #proverbs31 #womenintheword #savedbygrace #virtuouswoman #godlywoman #godsgirl #christianliving #butgod #givemejesus #trustgod #daughteroftheking #walkbyfaith #beautyfromashes #graceupongrace #dailydevotional #faithjourney #jesuslover #faithblogger #godisgood #graceoverperfection #michiganblogger #biblescripture
thethinplace
thethinplace
•
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The Book of Sirach is part of the Wisdom literature of the Bible. It was also written during the Maccabean revolt to encourage the people to hold fast to their Jewish faith and not to neglect the traditions and commandments handed down to them. Sirach is one of the books of the Bible found among the Dead Sea Scrolls in the late 1940s. It is also found in every copy of the Septuagint suggesting that is was considered to be Scripture by the Greek speaking Jews of that period. It is full of practical, clear wisdom that is incredibly applicable to our lives today such as: The greater you are, the more you must humble yourself; so you will find favor in the sight of the Lord. - Sirach 3:18 The higher your position, the more you have to actively seek humility. When you are in a low position, when you rely on others, humility is a more natural disposition and you recognize your dependence on God. When you are great, you need to actively seek humility. Do not say, “Because of the Lord I left the right way”; for he will not do what he hates. - Sirach 15:11 This is pretty straightforward. We cannot blame the Lord when we choose sin. The Lord does not do what He hates. He will always provide a way for us to choose good and it adds to our shame when we choose sin and blame God for it. A slip on the pavement is better than a slip of the tongue; so the downfall of the wicked will occur speedily. - Sirach 20:18 As the Book of James expands upon the importance of bridling your tongue but more abut consistently in the Book of Sirach we are exhorted to keep charge over our tongues. Ironically, this is much easier said than done. Whether you’re new to the wisdom literature or have spent years pouring over proverbs, Sirach is a great place to begin in living a wiser, more biblical life. #bibletime #biblereading #readyourbible #proverbs31woman #proverbs31 #womenintheword #savedbygrace #virtuouswoman #godlywoman #godsgirl #christianliving #butgod #givemejesus #trustgod #daughteroftheking #walkbyfaith #beautyfromashes #graceupongrace #dailydevotional #faithjourney #jesuslover #faithblogger #godisgood #graceoverperfection #michiganblogger #biblescripture
1 month ago
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2/5
The Book of Wisdom full of poetic principles and outlines how to live life well. Written around the time of the Maccabean revolt, it is written in the style of Solomon (and is sometimes referred to as “The Wisdom of Solomon”) but was written by later authors.
While this book was not accepted in the Jewish cannon, it is in every copy of the Greek Septuagint but it was quote by St Augustine over 800 times and, most importantly, was declared Scripture at the Councils of Hippo and Carthage. 
It focuses on Wisdom guiding the lives of the faithful, the follies of the wicked, and focuses heavily on our future home with God and the life to come. 
For those of you familiar with the Nicene Creed, the Book of Wisdom is one of the sources of inspiration of our description of Jesus Christ. The reference to Christ being “Light from Light” is taken from Wisdom 7:26 which refers to Wisdom as being a “reflection of eternal light.” 
There are also several passages in Wisdom which foretell the death of Christ. One of my favorite passages is Wisdom 14:7, “Blessed is the wood by which righteousness comes,” which reminds me how truly blessed is the cross which held the Savior of the world, our perfect Sacrifice. 
Wisdom is very similar to the book of Proverbs in length and style. It points constantly to the Lord who, as James tells us, is ready to give wisdom to those who ask.
#proverbs31woman #proverbs31 #womenintheword  #virtuouswoman #godlywoman #godsgirl #christianliving #butgod #blessedandhighlyfavored #trustgod #daughteroftheking #walkbyfaith #daughterofaking #beautyfromashes #graceupongrace #dailydevotional #faithjourney #jesuslover #faithblogger #godisgood #graceoverperfection #michiganblogger #wordbeforworld
#thinplaces #encouragingquotes #christianlife #christianencouragement
thethinplace
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The Book of Wisdom full of poetic principles and outlines how to live life well. Written around the time of the Maccabean revolt, it is written in the style of Solomon (and is sometimes referred to as “The Wisdom of Solomon”) but was written by later authors. While this book was not accepted in the Jewish cannon, it is in every copy of the Greek Septuagint but it was quote by St Augustine over 800 times and, most importantly, was declared Scripture at the Councils of Hippo and Carthage. It focuses on Wisdom guiding the lives of the faithful, the follies of the wicked, and focuses heavily on our future home with God and the life to come. For those of you familiar with the Nicene Creed, the Book of Wisdom is one of the sources of inspiration of our description of Jesus Christ. The reference to Christ being “Light from Light” is taken from Wisdom 7:26 which refers to Wisdom as being a “reflection of eternal light.” There are also several passages in Wisdom which foretell the death of Christ. One of my favorite passages is Wisdom 14:7, “Blessed is the wood by which righteousness comes,” which reminds me how truly blessed is the cross which held the Savior of the world, our perfect Sacrifice. Wisdom is very similar to the book of Proverbs in length and style. It points constantly to the Lord who, as James tells us, is ready to give wisdom to those who ask. #proverbs31woman #proverbs31 #womenintheword #virtuouswoman #godlywoman #godsgirl #christianliving #butgod #blessedandhighlyfavored #trustgod #daughteroftheking #walkbyfaith #daughterofaking #beautyfromashes #graceupongrace #dailydevotional #faithjourney #jesuslover #faithblogger #godisgood #graceoverperfection #michiganblogger #wordbeforworld #thinplaces #encouragingquotes #christianlife #christianencouragement
1 month ago
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3/5
Chances are, the Books of Maccabees are probably the deuterocanonical books you are most familiar with!  It is in these books that we find the origins of Hanukkah.
To be honest, they are a rough read. A really rough read. They detail the suffering the people of God endured while their enemies attempted to control their land and wipe out their religion. 
It is a set of books filled with great suffering as many of the faithful are killed but it is also a book of great bravery and trust in the Lord in the midst of trials.
In Maccabees, two of the theological principles used today are clearly seen. The first, that God created the world out of nothing. 2 Maccabees 7:28 details how God did not make the world out of things already created, but out of nothing. 
The second principle is that of praying for the dead. While there are references throughout Scripture and it is a clear practice of the Early Church, it is most clearly referenced in 2 Maccabees 12. 
#christianwoman #graceupongrace #jesusgirl #inspiredfaith #womenlivingwell #jesuscalling #faithfilledcaptions #catholicblogger #Catholicconvert #CatholicWoman #chasingsacred #christianwomenleaders #bibleverse #biblestudy  #christianblogger #faithinhim #proverbs31woman #faithful #Godisgood #encouragementgallery #godslove #christianposts #christianquote #prayer #prayertime
thethinplace
thethinplace
•
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Chances are, the Books of Maccabees are probably the deuterocanonical books you are most familiar with! It is in these books that we find the origins of Hanukkah. To be honest, they are a rough read. A really rough read. They detail the suffering the people of God endured while their enemies attempted to control their land and wipe out their religion. It is a set of books filled with great suffering as many of the faithful are killed but it is also a book of great bravery and trust in the Lord in the midst of trials. In Maccabees, two of the theological principles used today are clearly seen. The first, that God created the world out of nothing. 2 Maccabees 7:28 details how God did not make the world out of things already created, but out of nothing. The second principle is that of praying for the dead. While there are references throughout Scripture and it is a clear practice of the Early Church, it is most clearly referenced in 2 Maccabees 12. #christianwoman #graceupongrace #jesusgirl #inspiredfaith #womenlivingwell #jesuscalling #faithfilledcaptions #catholicblogger #Catholicconvert #CatholicWoman #chasingsacred #christianwomenleaders #bibleverse #biblestudy #christianblogger #faithinhim #proverbs31woman #faithful #Godisgood #encouragementgallery #godslove #christianposts #christianquote #prayer #prayertime
1 month ago
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4/5
Judith is another archetypal story of the battle being won at the hand of a woman, seen also in Judges and Esther. 
During the reign of Nebuchadnezzar, an army is sent to destroy the mountain town that Judith lives in. The people are greatly distressed and death seems to be the only option. Judith, a wealthy widow, trusts in the Lord and ultimately, kills the opposing military leader and brings peace to the people.
It is a story of God’s provision for His people in their exile through an unlikely source, a widow. In Judith, we see an archetype pointing to Mary and to the Church, waiting for her true Bridegroom. 
But it is also a story that points to the Lord’s desire to draw all nations to Himself! One of my favorite parts of the book of Judith is that it tells us of the conversion of a man who initially sets out to fight the Jewish people coming to believe in the God of Abraham, Issac, and Jacob. 
“And when Achior saw all that the God of Israel had done, he believed firmly in God, and was circumcised, and joined the house of Israel.” - Judith 14:10
It beautiful reminder that God’s deliverance is for all mankind. 
#proverbs31woman #proverbs31 #womenintheword  #virtuouswoman #godlywoman #godsgirl #christianliving #butgod #blessedandhighlyfavored #trustgod #daughteroftheking #walkbyfaith #daughterofaking #beautyfromashes #graceupongrace #dailydevotional #faithjourney #jesuslover #faithblogger #godisgood #graceoverperfection #michiganblogger #wordbeforworld #encouragingquotes #christianlife #christianencouragement
thethinplace
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Judith is another archetypal story of the battle being won at the hand of a woman, seen also in Judges and Esther. During the reign of Nebuchadnezzar, an army is sent to destroy the mountain town that Judith lives in. The people are greatly distressed and death seems to be the only option. Judith, a wealthy widow, trusts in the Lord and ultimately, kills the opposing military leader and brings peace to the people. It is a story of God’s provision for His people in their exile through an unlikely source, a widow. In Judith, we see an archetype pointing to Mary and to the Church, waiting for her true Bridegroom. But it is also a story that points to the Lord’s desire to draw all nations to Himself! One of my favorite parts of the book of Judith is that it tells us of the conversion of a man who initially sets out to fight the Jewish people coming to believe in the God of Abraham, Issac, and Jacob. “And when Achior saw all that the God of Israel had done, he believed firmly in God, and was circumcised, and joined the house of Israel.” - Judith 14:10 It beautiful reminder that God’s deliverance is for all mankind. #proverbs31woman #proverbs31 #womenintheword #virtuouswoman #godlywoman #godsgirl #christianliving #butgod #blessedandhighlyfavored #trustgod #daughteroftheking #walkbyfaith #daughterofaking #beautyfromashes #graceupongrace #dailydevotional #faithjourney #jesuslover #faithblogger #godisgood #graceoverperfection #michiganblogger #wordbeforworld #encouragingquotes #christianlife #christianencouragement
1 month ago
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5/5
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