This is a season of emptiness. Infertility has dealt a hard blow to me and to my husband. But in these days, God’s goodness reaches out and shows me a sign that He is working and carrying me through. The work of grace is never done and God is redeeming every painful, confusing moment for His purposes.
Last week, I was offered a spot as a guest contributor with the site Her View From Home. I am so grateful for this opportunity and to see where God guides my next steps. Reaching out and sharing the depth of my pain was not how I anticipated I would start out in the writing world, but already I see God using my pain to create something beautiful.
I Thought My Arms Would Be Full of Babies from Her View From Home
The sound of little feet trekking through the hallway was the soundtrack of my life growing up. As the oldest of 10, my life was full of diaper changes and learning to read and watching baseball games. Kids were never a question, they were an assumed part of the scenery.
As I look around my house, puppies have attempted to occupy the space I always assumed a child would in vying for my attention as I read and write. There are messes but it’s only because I’ve taken my sweet time in cleaning them up.
When I saw my future, it was clear. There would be babies. How many babies was up for debate but I never doubted that my arms would be full of them . . . Continue reading here.
Sending so many warm wishes and thoughts your way. I understand this struggle, and it is unbelievably frustrating and there’s not much anyone can do or say to take away that pain… but I hope it’s reassuring that someone in New Jersey is sending some extra love to you today <3
HUGS
Thank you, Charlotte. I greatly appreciate the read and the love. <3
I haven’t struggled with this, but I know so many who have, and as a future ObGyn I know how much of a toll this takes on the patient. What I always tell my patients is that, this will only serve to make you stronger and better as a woman and as a mother. Love the immense grasp you have your faith, and that is the anchor you need to keep moving through this journey. Sending you lots of love and prayers, and hoping you get your miracle soon. <3
Thank you, Jane. We need ObGyns like you who realize the emotional toll that this takes on a person and a marriage.
Oh….this saddens me to read because I know a bit of this sorrow…though I know we still have hope because we haven’t been given any conclusive diagnosis….I also thought my home would be full of kids by now. I’m the oldest of seven kids. My parents have always talked about how they can’t wait to have grandkids and I feel like a failure because I still don’t have any living children. Just one tiny baby whose life ended in the first trimester. It’s a sorrow that can sometimes color all of life if I let it, but I’m fighting it. It’s not easy fight.
Oh Rachel, my heart is breaking for you. You are not a failure but yes, it is a sorrow that can overwhelm a life. I will be praying that God will draw near to you and comfort your heart.