The God Who Guides
While I am excited about the next steps God is preparing, it would be deceitful of me to pretend that I was certain of the future. Moves bring loss, change, and broken teacups. The pressures of to-do lists and uncertainties bring out the true nature of my fragile heart.
I sat tonight, trying to arrange flights to the mainland (as we call it here in the islands) for my little, and my not so little, dogs. I am not fluent in “airline cargo flights” and nothing about the process is easy and straight forward. I am confused and overwhelmed but after multiple calls to multiple airlines, I feel moderately confident in my ability to put a dog on a plane in Honolulu and pick them up in Detroit. There was a little concern that the big dog might end up somewhere in Chicago if he needs a bigger cage. Hubby is starting him on a rigid diet and running program tomorrow.
In the midst of moving, there are higher and lower levels of stress-inducing tasks mounting on my to-do list. The house I have spent 3 years furnishing suddenly needs to be packed and shipped across an ocean. My sweet momma flew out last week and spent hours sorting through cupboards and closets while I worked on homework. It was manna for the day, reminding me that God was going before me and caring for every step of the path He called me to walk down.
But like the Israelites wandering through the desert, I doubt God’s provision. I worry about the 8th task before the 1st task has been started. And I question God for not having provided a clear solution for everything on my list before I take one step forward. Thank God that our Maker is slow to anger and abounding in love.
The next steps might not be clear, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t cared for. The Lord shows me again in again where to place my foot and leaves me waiting, trusting, that He will continue to provide a place for me to land. Today, I am giving up a job I love and stepping out in faith that God will provide something in Michigan. I’m giving up my home but already, each and every night in my foreseeable future has a roof claiming it. I am loved and I am held.
Fire and Cloud walk before me, guiding my steps and sheltering me from the elements. It would be foolish to in turn question God’s love for me or His ability to provide. I don’t have to know the ending, because there is one who does. He allowed Himself to be mocked, pierced, and hung on a tree for me. Yet, I fret over a simple move.
So instead of fretting, anxious thoughts, I’m taking a day to rest in what I know to be true. When panic sets in, I recount His promises and His deeds of the past. I pride myself in memory but in these moments, I realize just how prone I am to forget. This is why I’ve set up my altars, to remember. My feelings and fears will come and go, but His goodness endures all things.