Broken Marriages and Broken Hondas: Why We Keep Fixing Both
Last year, my husband and I decided to get a second car that we could just get from point a to point b. We wanted to pay cash. We weren’t really concerned about appearances. So we brought a ’98 Honda Civic from a friend.
This was perfect for me. I am terrible about keeping cars clean and was always worried that I would do something to our nice, relatively new Jeep that Hubby prized so much. I missed my old cars. The ones that I didn’t have to worry about hurting because they were on their last leg anyways.
The Honda didn’t have air conditioning but I took it as an opportunity to breathe in the Hawaiian air and let myself fully feel the embrace of the seasons. It wasn’t a very pretty car but it had a working speaker system and I never had to worry about throwing the dogs in the back seat after hiking or going to the beach.
A few months ago, there was an issue with the steering on the car. To avoid perpetuating stereotypes, I won’t describe it to you the same way I described it to my husband, through noises. But it was very clear to even me that the car probably needed to be fixed and Hubby added that I shouldn’t drive it to work until it was. He has a very full schedule but was determined to save us some money and fix it himself. Until that time, he walked to work and had me drive our Jeep.
I am back behind the wheel of the Honda and so grateful for Hubby’s diligent work. Not only did he fix the steering issue, but he also managed to get the air conditioning up and running. I am back cruising the roads with my little, old Honda.
I couldn’t help but think on my drive to work, that I am incredibly fortunate. I married a good man.
Not only does he fix cars, but he puts in the hard work to restore broken things, even our marriage.
We live in an age of disposable things. We can’t even commit to a phone so we now pay more, month by month, so that we can upgrade immediately. Unfortunately, our marriages are no different. We say for better or worse and I think many of us truly mean that we would stand by our spouse through cancer or loss but when the hard, day to day struggles of coordinating schedules and miscommunications make themselves known, we panic and look for an out.
Our marriage has been no different. In the few short years we’ve been married, there have been times where we’ve look at each other and wondered if maybe we were drugged the entire 4 years we dated. What seemed like a grand idea on our wedding day faded as life set in. There have been times we’ve wanted to throw in the towel and give up on this whole “unity” thing we promised to strive for.
But we don’t.
We keep pressing on mostly because Hubby has always set the example of fighting for what he believes in, and he believes in us. So he puts in the labor, the long conversations, humble apologies, and the daily sacrifice to self. And we are both made better by it.
I remember over-hearing a conversation between my mom and a friend who was contemplating divorce. Her friend asked, “How long do you keep pressing on when the spark just isn’t there anymore?”
I will never forget hearing my mother respond gently, “Well, how long did you promise you would? Because most of us promised ‘For better or worse until death do us part.’ I think that’s your answer.”
Marriage is long, hard, beautiful work. There are days in the sun and days when the rain just won’t let up. But we keep fighting and pressing on, remembering our promises.
Even the best of marriages involves labor. Christ died for His bride. That is the model we have set before us. Love even unto the point of death. Press on. Do the hard work of fixing yourself and your marriage and maybe even your car.
If you enjoyed this post, check out:
My Marriage Isn’t Enough For Me (But It Points Me To Christ)
5 Important Ways to Pray for Your Husband
Do Not Grow Weary: A Reminder As We Labor On
The Comments
Dana
Ahhh, that Honda. I love old cars too. 🙂
Bailey
DanaI love that little old car.
Margaret
Good article. I decided to start a Pinterest page for marriage, beginning with this article. When we married over 40 years ago, he was a mechanic. Oh, the memories you brought back to me. Thanks for sharing.
Bailey
MargaretThis brought tears to my eyes. I love hearing of couples who have held to their vows for so long.
shannon
I teared up reading this. I couldn’t agree more. Marriage is hard, confusing but definitely worth fixing if broke. I don’t know, my parents are still married after 48 years so to me, you don’t give up. I signed up for better or worse. Reading this re-enforced that. THANK YOU!
Bailey
shannonThat is amazing. It is definitely worth trying to fix. The Holy Spirit can get you through a lot of “worse” together.
Tanya
I’ve had a Honda, lived in Hawaii, had marriage ups and downs and lived to see some rainbows. Thanks for the reminder of what love and marriage is all about.
Bailey
TanyaWhat are the odds?!? Thank you for reading!
Theresa Bailey
It’s so true that we live in a world of instant gratification. Sometimes that just isn’t going to be the case. If you hit a rough patch you need to fix it together. It might be hard, but it will be well worth it in the end.
Bailey
Theresa BaileyIt takes time and effort but that’s what love is.
Ashley
This is beautiful and completely true. Marriage is a life long commitment that takes work. Not every day will be roses and sunshine!
Bailey
AshleyDefinitely! It’s love and hard work but so worth it.
Jen Smith
What a beautiful reminder! Til death do us part. That’s certainly how long we plan on working on ours!
Bailey
Jen SmithIt’s what we vow, isn’t it?
Stephanie Smith
I can so relate to this! Your words are so transparent and that is what makes the glory of the Gospel in marriages shine. I always quote a phrase I once heard… “It’s the promise that sustains the love, not the love that sustains the promise.” I tell myself that every time things get hard. I’ve been married 8 1/2 years and very few of them have been easy. But we both see God at work, refining us through one another. We are trusting him to keep us and grow us together as we honor our vow before our Maker. I know His wisdom in bringing us together has a purpose and steadfastness far beyond my momentary feelings. It is always so encouraging to read of other experiences like mine. To know that the struggle of marriage does not have to be a taboo thing.
Bailey
Stephanie SmithIsn’t it wonderful how God uses our spouse to help refine us? My refrain constantly is, “The purpose of marriage is my sanctification.”
Thank you for your thoughts.
Brittany
Marriage to some has become just a thing. I’ve been married to my husband for 10 years. We’ve been through ups, down, curveballs, and while our marriage and faith was tested we’ve worked through it. When we lost our daughter our marriage was on its last leg. I remember calling my Dad crying, and he told me one thing ” get off this phone and go talk to your husband. You said for better or worse and this is worse”. Our trials have rocked our marriage and our faith but we’ve both refused to let it pull us apart. loved this post and congrats on getting your car back;) Paying cash is always best
Bailey
BrittanyWow! How amazing that your father was able to encourage you to do what you needed to do to fight for your marriage. I’m so sorry for the loss of your daughter but hearing the testimony of your faithfulness through this trial is so encouraging. Thank you for sharing.
Becky
This post arrived in my life the moment I needed it most. I am not married to my amazing man yet, won’t be for a while, yet after reading this simple yet profound message I know we WILL get there, even if we 1/2 drag each other at times. Thank you for helping my heart step back to see a better view.
Bailey
BeckyBecky, I don’t think that any of us are. Life is a lot to handle but we must press deeply into Christ and know that, yes, He is faithful and we WILL get there.
Becky
This was lovely Bailey. Marriage really does require work and sacrifice and constant recommitment. So glad to hear my little(big!) brother is doing his part. He really has grown into a wonderful man
Bailey
BeckyHe has, indeed. <3