I Don’t Deserve My Blessings But They Keep Coming
I made a mistake last week. In the midst of medication changes, college, and finishing up work, I misremembered the day we were supposed to move out of our house. And I discovered it was a full day earlier than anticipated about 16 hours before the inspector was scheduled to make his appearance.
Now, good, quality friends surround me. Friends who live out what it means to be the Body of Christ by showing up and loving with everything. These friends had offered again and again to help me move and clean. In the few weeks between leaving my house and leaving Hawaii, I have been welcomed into the home of a friend. When I dropped my bags off at her house, I mentioned that I was overwhelmed by the love and generosity being offered to me.
She sweetly commented that I deserved it, that I gave and it was only fair that it was given back to me.
But she had not idea that I did not deserve it.
When I hung up with our housing office after finding out that we needed to be out earlier than expected, I panicked. Right as the panic set in, I had a knock at the door. It was a new neighbor I had met walking to the mailbox stopping by to pick up a puppy pen I had offered her. She was met with wide eyes and a frantic explanation of what I had just found out. And immediately she offered to help.
This woman whose name I couldn’t even remember started painting my library and bedroom. Another friend offered to come over when her husband got home from work. When he got caught up late and didn’t get home until almost 10p, she came over and stayed until almost two, even though she knew a toddler would wake her up early the next morning. When the morning came, she was back with coffee and a willingness to keep helping.
I could go on about friends who cleaned out, inside and underneath, my fridge or of those who offered trucks or spent their weekend loading our home into a storage unit. But the bottom line is, I don’t deserve the blessings I’ve been given.
I calculate my energy levels carefully before helping, but I’m met with friends who give their all. When push comes to shove, I am often lazy, calculating and giving only what I am obligated. I am presented with excessive love.
God is good. But often I doubt His goodness and start making my own plans while He waits in the wings to bless me.
A phone call changes my plans, and I panic. But God raises up an army of friends and strangers to help me prepare even in the midst of my panicking.
Blessings are poured out in unexpected ways. A neighbor showing up and offering to paint, a friend bringing Starbucks, someone insisting on bringing dinner. The little blessings are all around, but I focus on the worries. I doubt God’s goodness and doubt my friends willingness to help. But when I ask, my needs are met.
They aren’t met because of my goodness, they are met despite it. This grace, it’s a free gift. I am being swept away in this love. Karma is not at work here. I am not given what I deserve, I am given so much more.
I am stingy. I hoard my energy, my time, even my emotions. But God has given me His very Body and Blood. I am sustained by His goodness, not my own. I am called out of the life I deserve and into a lavish love.
Most of this week has, to my shame, been spent complaining. And in truth, it’s been a hard week. I grumble and complain when I should trust and praise. But despite myself, God has been good. He has shown up again and again to remind me of His faithfulness.
So my friends keep showing up and God keeps reminding me that He will guide me and that He is good. During these wilderness travelings, I am blessed beyond what I deserve, but I am blessed.