This article originally appeared on She the Fierce.
Isn’t it funny how one little call can change so much?
A few weeks ago, I got a call I didn’t anticipate, letting me know that two little embryos, two little lives my husband and I had created, had been stripped of their life.
The babies we wanted to love and cherish every moment of their lives were no longer alive. They were gone before we even had a chance to name them. The heart that had swelled with more love than I ever imagined possible for little cells multiplying in my womb sunk deep within me.
I had been praying. I trusted in God to bring the babies safely into my arms. But in His wisdom, He called them to Himself instead. When I had calmed myself, I texted a dear friend and told her that my little ones were no longer on this earth. Her response stopped me in my tracks.
“Oh no,” she wrote, “Blessed be the name of the Lord.”
I expected sympathy. I expected her to decry the injustice of my babies being taken from me.
I never expected her to offer praise to their maker. She echoed words of Job: “The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.” – Job 1:21, ESVIn my moment of despair, I was angry at God. Why had He given me the joy of their little lives only to rip them from my womb? I was doubting the goodness and wisdom of the One I claimed to trust. My heart wasn’t in it, but I needed to praise.
Because without that God, my hope would shatter into despair.
My heart wasn’t in it, but I needed to praise. Because without that God, my hope would shatter into despair. Click To TweetIf I didn’t know that my God was watching my despair, bottling my tears, and weaving together a beautiful, perfect plan, I don’t think I could have gone on. But I can move on because the Lord, He is a good God. Jesus may have called my little ones home, but I know He is holding them in perfect love. They will never know the sting of the scratched knee or hurtful words, they will only know His goodness.
Because of His goodness, I will bless His name.
My friend was right to draw my mind to God’s goodness. She comforted me without allowing me to fall into despair. When life is hard, when plans go array, I need to remember where my hope is found. It is not in the future I have planned for myself nor in the children I desired, it is grounded solely and firmly in the Lord. Praising Him in the midst of hardship puts this into perspective. It reminds me of His sovereignty and comforts my aching heart.
Job knew my grief even more poignantly. He had just lost his 10 children all at once. But he praised the name of the Lord nonetheless. Because even in our darkest moment, God still is good and still deserves our praise.
The pain of pregnancy loss is not lost on God. He knows what it is to lose a child.
My pain is not lost on God. He knows what it is to lose a child. Click To TweetHe willingly sent His son to be mocked, scorned, tortured, and executed upon a cross for me and for you. How dare I doubt the goodness of one who would go to such an extreme to demonstrate His love for me? But yet, I do doubt and must force myself to call to mind His goodness and faithfulness to me. So I praise. I remember what God has done for me. I preach the truth of His gospel to myself when I doubt what is real and find myself chasing the promises of this world.
God has promised to redeem every moment of my life.
Nothing that has happened, nothing that will happen, will be untouched by His grace. While everything Job has was returned to him doubled, he only had 10 more children. Because the lost children, they were never really lost. They were being held and loved by their Maker. They were cradled closely to His bosom just as my little ones are. My hope is found in the goodness of my God. He loved my little ones more than I did. He acted wisely. I don’t know why and I probably never will this side of heaven. But I do know that if it is what God has ordained, if I knew what He knew, I wouldn’t choose it another way.
So I can say boldly, “Blessed be the name of the Lord.”
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Thank you for sharing this. I have gone through pregnancy loss and it so painful but it is comforting to know God holds these babies when we cannot!!
It is very comforting.
Sorry for your loss. I felt that way too when one of my twins died. But eventually, I learned that it is God’s plan not mine. Btw, you are blessed to have a wonderful and Christian friend <3
I am so blessed by my friends. God is good, even when it’s hard to see.
I pray for a lot of babies and pregnant women, I found myself reluctant to share a true miracle with women who had had a loss, but I had to because it gives them hope,and He gets the glory. You can have peace knowing He has the answers, and I would give them names. Sharing to Pinterest.
It is always good to hear miracles of what God has done. God is good, even when life is hard.
Absolutely heart breaking and challenging words. Thank you for sharing. And as you mourn, I pray that God will comfort you.
Thank you, Kimberly.
Hello, 6 months ago my beautiful baby Olivia was stillborn. That is a pain like no other. I spent 12 years praying for a baby… now I have 3; and all of them are in heaven. I was sooooo angry at God for taking her when I had spent so much time praying and I was so close to having my prayer answered; and then to have it all slip away in an instant. The pain was intensified as I watched 6 friends, 2 cousins, my neighbor and both of my sister in laws have babies all in 1-3 months of my loss. I just held a baby for the first time yesterday. I remind myself that God is good; sometimes if I’m being honest though, I feel like He doesn’t love me. I know that isn’t true, but there will always be moments when I’m in pain from losing my baby that I feel He doesn’t love me. I just remind myself that He is good and that He knows exactly how I feel. I pray for any mom who has lost a child.
I’m so sorry for your loss, Jennifer. You are in my prayers. <3 God is good, even when life is hard.