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The Thin Place

When You Spend Christmas Alone: Celebrating the Holidays Without Family

Shortly after my husband and I got married, the military whisked us away from where we grew up in the Midwest to the island of Hawaii. It was lovely. It was warm. It was very far from home. Between the military salary and the extreme cost of living in Hawaii, going home for Christmas that first year was simply out of the question. 

Christmas for us had previously been defined by family. We went to the church where I grew up for the candlelight service then quickly drove over to Hubby’s aunt’s house for their family Christmas Eve party. Christmas morning was spent with my family as there were still little ones in the house who woke up before the crack of dawn to see if Santa came then we split the rest of the day bouncing back and forth between festivities with different family members. It varied slightly from year to year but one thing was consistent, family. 

Suddenly, in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, we were the only family each other had to celebrate with. 

It was quite daunting, looking at the holidays and trying to determine how to make it special. Should we invite friends over? If so, from church or from work? What traditions did we want to adopt? Was it silly if it was just the two of us? These were the questions that plagued our mind but, ultimately, we came up with a few ideas that have now stood the test of time. 

Even if there are only two of you, you are still a family. 

We realized that first Christmas that we were a family. A family isn’t created the day you welcome a child into your home, it starts the day you say, “I do.”

When we recognized this, it brought a new element of joy to our celebrations. We weren’t two wanders away from family, we were our own household, deciding how we wanted to celebrate. Our celebrations will inevitably change if/when we have kids or if we get to spend the holidays nearer to family but, no matter what, we established that we have left our families of origin and created something entirely new and beautiful. 

There are always people looking for a place. 

Our first Thanksgiving, we were the people looking for a place to be. Our small group leaders invited us into their home (despite us only having been at the church for a few weeks) and gave us a place to belong. 

That Christmas, we reached out to the men and women in my husband’s unit and opened up our home for Christmas dinner and games. These people quickly became like family because, like us, they were looking for a place to belong. 

If you’re in that place this Christmas, the place where you’re not sure where you belong, I encourage you to become the place of belonging. Open up your doors and invite others in. You’d be shocked how many people are looking for a place to spend their holidays. 

Break open the game cabinet. Pop a bowl of popcorn. Ask everyone to pitch in and bring something for dinner. It doesn’t have to be elaborate, but in giving people a place, you make a new place for yourself as well. 

We needed to embrace old traditions and create new ones. 

Growing up, my parents always let us open one present on Christmas Eve and, every year, it was new Christmas pajamas. We always knew it was coming but we were still excited and they were glad we’d look presentable in the Christmas morning pictures. So that first Christmas alone, my husband and I bought each other Christmas pajamas. Some years, they’ve been normal looking flannel pants and t-shirts that we would take on an overnight trip. Other years, we’ve ended up with furry, Chewbacca onesies. Both years we’ve found joy in continuing this tradition. 

We also decided to continue on with stockings even though Santa obviously does not visit married couples without children. Not only did the hanging of stockings add some beauty to our Christmas décor, but opening them Christmas morning brings a sense of fun and anticipation to the table. 

When You Spend Christmas Alone: Celebrating the Holidays Without Family #christmas #advent #holidays #christmastips #celebratingchristmas

When You Spend Christmas Alone: Celebrating the Holidays Without Family #christmas #advent #holidays #christmastips #celebratingchristmas When You Spend Christmas Alone: Celebrating the Holidays Without Family #christmas #advent #holidays #christmastips #celebratingchristmas When You Spend Christmas Alone: Celebrating the Holidays Without Family #christmas #advent #holidays #christmastips #celebratingchristmas When You Spend Christmas Alone: Celebrating the Holidays Without Family #christmas #advent #holidays #christmastips #celebratingchristmas When You Spend Christmas Alone: Celebrating the Holidays Without Family #christmas #advent #holidays #christmastips #celebratingchristmas When You Spend Christmas Alone: Celebrating the Holidays Without Family #christmas #advent #holidays #christmastips #celebratingchristmas

Our Christmases are changing. We are moving closer to family for a little while. Our friend-family we created in Hawaii is scattered now, but they taught us some very important lessons about the holidays and about our marriage. 

It wasn’t easy, there were moments of sadness when we realized that the family was probably singing carols by the fire or eating that strawberry pretzel salad that neither of us ever mastered. 

But those moments, even the sad ones, inspired us. We took the memories, we took the feeling of belonging, and created a new family and place for ourselves and others to belong. Because of that, we’ve never spent Christmas alone. 

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The Comments

  • Courtney Kramer
    November 16, 2018

    More married couples need to be encouraged that just because they don’t have children it doesn’t mean they aren’t a family. Part of two becoming one is starting your own unique family traditions.

    Reply
    • Bailey
      Courtney Kramer
      November 17, 2018

      Yes! It’s so easy to think that your family starts post-children instead of post-wedding!

      Reply
  • Lauren Becker
    November 16, 2018

    These are all great things to keep in mind. I like the idea of inviting friends over!

    -Lauren

    Reply
    • Bailey
      Lauren Becker
      November 17, 2018

      Thanks, Lauren!

      Reply
  • Jennifer Love
    November 16, 2018

    We do Christmas pajamas too. I love that you do this as a couple!
    In a college town we’ve adjusted our expectations too by including strangers at our Thanksgiving table. But they are always so thankful to be included in a home.

    Reply
    • Bailey
      Jennifer Love
      November 17, 2018

      It’s so fun! One year, we both tried to get each other Chewbacca onesie pajamas but my husband’s friend (who had helped me figure out what size my husband needed) convinced him to get me different ones. We laughed so hard when he opened his!

      It’s such a blessing to be included with a family in a home! I know extending your Thanksgiving table means so much to them!

      Reply
  • Luiz Jorge
    November 17, 2018

    Its very nice how two people spend their Christmas alone. Now what about people that is completly alone. They don’t have family at all or any friends. How do you think those people spend Christmas? I would like very much to have a reply. Thank you……

    Reply
    • Bailey
      Luiz Jorge
      November 17, 2018

      Luiz, While I wrote this with military couples in mind, I think it applies to singles, as well as couples, without family nearby. I spent several special days and holidays alone while my husband was deployed and we were away from family and the biggest help was to look around and see who else was alone. There were so many people around me that needed loved ones to celebrate with. I developed many special traditions with friends and even some special traditions that I celebrate by myself.

      I would encourage anyone alone for the holidays to reach out to their church and those in their community and focus on making the holidays special for them. Host a dinner, decorating, or baking party. It’s hard to feel lonely when you’re making the day special for others!

      Reply
  • Mary Lee Robinson
    November 17, 2018

    I applaud your solution to gather new friends on holidays, but I ask you to take a moment and seriously ponder the plight of the widowed, especially newly widowed. Many of us either have little family or family, like you experienced, is far away. I assure you, absolutely nothing, but nothing, is lonelier than Christmas when your spouse is gone…permanently.
    Please remember to include us. We have lots of love and stories to share, and they aren’t necessarily sad. We love being included!

    Reply
    • Bailey
      Mary Lee Robinson
      December 12, 2018

      Mary, Thank you for bringing that to my attention. I have walked through the loss of a spouse with friends before and know how difficult the holidays are. As a Church, we need to be especially conscious of loving those around us experiencing this loss.

      Reply
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Hello, I’m Bailey

The Thin Place was born out of a season of struggle. A season where I felt stretched thin and desperately longed to see the goodness of God in the land of the living. The goodness of God showed up in unexpected ways. During that season, the spiritual disciplines laid out in Scripture, the traditions of the Church, and the reminders of His faithfulness seen in liturgial living and the feasts and seasons of the Church calendar all opened my eyes to the hope we have in Christ.

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Baruch, as you may recall from the book of Jeremiah, was the scribe of Jeremiah. This is a prophetic book written by Baruch calling the people of Jerusalem to repent of their idol worship and return to the Lord. 
Baruch is a great reminder of the importance of confession. The book opens with a call to make respond.
Then they wept, and fasted, and prayed before the Lord; and they collected money, each giving what he could – Baruch 1:5-6 RSVCE 
Baruch is a collection of the response to sin – both the acknowledgment of sin and the call to God’s mercy. 
#christianwoman #graceupongrace #jesusgirl #inspiredfaith #womenlivingwell #jesuscalling #faithfilledcaptions #catholicblogger #Catholicconvert #CatholicWoman #chasingsacred #christianwomenleaders #bibleverse #biblestudy  #christianblogger #faithinhim #proverbs31woman #faithful #Godisgood #encouragementgallery #godslove #christianposts #christianquote #prayer #prayertime 
#biblequotes #bibleinspiration
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Baruch, as you may recall from the book of Jeremiah, was the scribe of Jeremiah. This is a prophetic book written by Baruch calling the people of Jerusalem to repent of their idol worship and return to the Lord. Baruch is a great reminder of the importance of confession. The book opens with a call to make respond. Then they wept, and fasted, and prayed before the Lord; and they collected money, each giving what he could – Baruch 1:5-6 RSVCE Baruch is a collection of the response to sin – both the acknowledgment of sin and the call to God’s mercy. #christianwoman #graceupongrace #jesusgirl #inspiredfaith #womenlivingwell #jesuscalling #faithfilledcaptions #catholicblogger #Catholicconvert #CatholicWoman #chasingsacred #christianwomenleaders #bibleverse #biblestudy #christianblogger #faithinhim #proverbs31woman #faithful #Godisgood #encouragementgallery #godslove #christianposts #christianquote #prayer #prayertime #biblequotes #bibleinspiration
4 weeks ago
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1/5
The Book of Sirach is part of the Wisdom literature of the Bible. It was also written during the Maccabean revolt to encourage the people to hold fast to their Jewish faith and not to neglect the traditions and commandments handed down to them. 
Sirach is one of the books of the Bible found among the Dead Sea Scrolls in the late 1940s. It is also found in every copy of the Septuagint suggesting that is was considered to be Scripture by the Greek speaking Jews of that period.
It is full of practical, clear wisdom that is incredibly applicable to our lives today such as: 
The greater you are, the more you must humble yourself; so you will find favor in the sight of the Lord. - Sirach 3:18
The higher your position, the more you have to actively seek humility. When you are in a low position, when you rely on others, humility is a more natural disposition and you recognize your dependence on God. When you are great, you need to actively seek humility. 
Do not say, “Because of the Lord I left the right way”; for he will not do what he hates. - Sirach 15:11
This is pretty straightforward. We cannot blame the Lord when we choose sin. The Lord does not do what He hates. He will always provide a way for us to choose good and it adds to our shame when we choose sin and blame God for it. 
A slip on the pavement is better than a slip of the tongue; so the downfall of the wicked will occur speedily. - Sirach 20:18
As the Book of James expands upon the importance of bridling your tongue but more abut consistently in the Book of Sirach we are exhorted to keep charge over our tongues. Ironically, this is much easier said than done. 
Whether you’re new to the wisdom literature or have spent years pouring over proverbs, Sirach is a great place to begin in living a wiser, more biblical life. 
#bibletime #biblereading #readyourbible #proverbs31woman #proverbs31 #womenintheword #savedbygrace #virtuouswoman #godlywoman #godsgirl #christianliving #butgod #givemejesus #trustgod #daughteroftheking #walkbyfaith #beautyfromashes #graceupongrace #dailydevotional #faithjourney #jesuslover #faithblogger #godisgood #graceoverperfection #michiganblogger #biblescripture
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The Book of Sirach is part of the Wisdom literature of the Bible. It was also written during the Maccabean revolt to encourage the people to hold fast to their Jewish faith and not to neglect the traditions and commandments handed down to them. Sirach is one of the books of the Bible found among the Dead Sea Scrolls in the late 1940s. It is also found in every copy of the Septuagint suggesting that is was considered to be Scripture by the Greek speaking Jews of that period. It is full of practical, clear wisdom that is incredibly applicable to our lives today such as: The greater you are, the more you must humble yourself; so you will find favor in the sight of the Lord. - Sirach 3:18 The higher your position, the more you have to actively seek humility. When you are in a low position, when you rely on others, humility is a more natural disposition and you recognize your dependence on God. When you are great, you need to actively seek humility. Do not say, “Because of the Lord I left the right way”; for he will not do what he hates. - Sirach 15:11 This is pretty straightforward. We cannot blame the Lord when we choose sin. The Lord does not do what He hates. He will always provide a way for us to choose good and it adds to our shame when we choose sin and blame God for it. A slip on the pavement is better than a slip of the tongue; so the downfall of the wicked will occur speedily. - Sirach 20:18 As the Book of James expands upon the importance of bridling your tongue but more abut consistently in the Book of Sirach we are exhorted to keep charge over our tongues. Ironically, this is much easier said than done. Whether you’re new to the wisdom literature or have spent years pouring over proverbs, Sirach is a great place to begin in living a wiser, more biblical life. #bibletime #biblereading #readyourbible #proverbs31woman #proverbs31 #womenintheword #savedbygrace #virtuouswoman #godlywoman #godsgirl #christianliving #butgod #givemejesus #trustgod #daughteroftheking #walkbyfaith #beautyfromashes #graceupongrace #dailydevotional #faithjourney #jesuslover #faithblogger #godisgood #graceoverperfection #michiganblogger #biblescripture
1 month ago
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2/5
The Book of Wisdom full of poetic principles and outlines how to live life well. Written around the time of the Maccabean revolt, it is written in the style of Solomon (and is sometimes referred to as “The Wisdom of Solomon”) but was written by later authors.
While this book was not accepted in the Jewish cannon, it is in every copy of the Greek Septuagint but it was quote by St Augustine over 800 times and, most importantly, was declared Scripture at the Councils of Hippo and Carthage. 
It focuses on Wisdom guiding the lives of the faithful, the follies of the wicked, and focuses heavily on our future home with God and the life to come. 
For those of you familiar with the Nicene Creed, the Book of Wisdom is one of the sources of inspiration of our description of Jesus Christ. The reference to Christ being “Light from Light” is taken from Wisdom 7:26 which refers to Wisdom as being a “reflection of eternal light.” 
There are also several passages in Wisdom which foretell the death of Christ. One of my favorite passages is Wisdom 14:7, “Blessed is the wood by which righteousness comes,” which reminds me how truly blessed is the cross which held the Savior of the world, our perfect Sacrifice. 
Wisdom is very similar to the book of Proverbs in length and style. It points constantly to the Lord who, as James tells us, is ready to give wisdom to those who ask.
#proverbs31woman #proverbs31 #womenintheword  #virtuouswoman #godlywoman #godsgirl #christianliving #butgod #blessedandhighlyfavored #trustgod #daughteroftheking #walkbyfaith #daughterofaking #beautyfromashes #graceupongrace #dailydevotional #faithjourney #jesuslover #faithblogger #godisgood #graceoverperfection #michiganblogger #wordbeforworld
#thinplaces #encouragingquotes #christianlife #christianencouragement
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The Book of Wisdom full of poetic principles and outlines how to live life well. Written around the time of the Maccabean revolt, it is written in the style of Solomon (and is sometimes referred to as “The Wisdom of Solomon”) but was written by later authors. While this book was not accepted in the Jewish cannon, it is in every copy of the Greek Septuagint but it was quote by St Augustine over 800 times and, most importantly, was declared Scripture at the Councils of Hippo and Carthage. It focuses on Wisdom guiding the lives of the faithful, the follies of the wicked, and focuses heavily on our future home with God and the life to come. For those of you familiar with the Nicene Creed, the Book of Wisdom is one of the sources of inspiration of our description of Jesus Christ. The reference to Christ being “Light from Light” is taken from Wisdom 7:26 which refers to Wisdom as being a “reflection of eternal light.” There are also several passages in Wisdom which foretell the death of Christ. One of my favorite passages is Wisdom 14:7, “Blessed is the wood by which righteousness comes,” which reminds me how truly blessed is the cross which held the Savior of the world, our perfect Sacrifice. Wisdom is very similar to the book of Proverbs in length and style. It points constantly to the Lord who, as James tells us, is ready to give wisdom to those who ask. #proverbs31woman #proverbs31 #womenintheword #virtuouswoman #godlywoman #godsgirl #christianliving #butgod #blessedandhighlyfavored #trustgod #daughteroftheking #walkbyfaith #daughterofaking #beautyfromashes #graceupongrace #dailydevotional #faithjourney #jesuslover #faithblogger #godisgood #graceoverperfection #michiganblogger #wordbeforworld #thinplaces #encouragingquotes #christianlife #christianencouragement
1 month ago
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3/5
Chances are, the Books of Maccabees are probably the deuterocanonical books you are most familiar with!  It is in these books that we find the origins of Hanukkah.
To be honest, they are a rough read. A really rough read. They detail the suffering the people of God endured while their enemies attempted to control their land and wipe out their religion. 
It is a set of books filled with great suffering as many of the faithful are killed but it is also a book of great bravery and trust in the Lord in the midst of trials.
In Maccabees, two of the theological principles used today are clearly seen. The first, that God created the world out of nothing. 2 Maccabees 7:28 details how God did not make the world out of things already created, but out of nothing. 
The second principle is that of praying for the dead. While there are references throughout Scripture and it is a clear practice of the Early Church, it is most clearly referenced in 2 Maccabees 12. 
#christianwoman #graceupongrace #jesusgirl #inspiredfaith #womenlivingwell #jesuscalling #faithfilledcaptions #catholicblogger #Catholicconvert #CatholicWoman #chasingsacred #christianwomenleaders #bibleverse #biblestudy  #christianblogger #faithinhim #proverbs31woman #faithful #Godisgood #encouragementgallery #godslove #christianposts #christianquote #prayer #prayertime
thethinplace
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Chances are, the Books of Maccabees are probably the deuterocanonical books you are most familiar with! It is in these books that we find the origins of Hanukkah. To be honest, they are a rough read. A really rough read. They detail the suffering the people of God endured while their enemies attempted to control their land and wipe out their religion. It is a set of books filled with great suffering as many of the faithful are killed but it is also a book of great bravery and trust in the Lord in the midst of trials. In Maccabees, two of the theological principles used today are clearly seen. The first, that God created the world out of nothing. 2 Maccabees 7:28 details how God did not make the world out of things already created, but out of nothing. The second principle is that of praying for the dead. While there are references throughout Scripture and it is a clear practice of the Early Church, it is most clearly referenced in 2 Maccabees 12. #christianwoman #graceupongrace #jesusgirl #inspiredfaith #womenlivingwell #jesuscalling #faithfilledcaptions #catholicblogger #Catholicconvert #CatholicWoman #chasingsacred #christianwomenleaders #bibleverse #biblestudy #christianblogger #faithinhim #proverbs31woman #faithful #Godisgood #encouragementgallery #godslove #christianposts #christianquote #prayer #prayertime
1 month ago
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4/5
Judith is another archetypal story of the battle being won at the hand of a woman, seen also in Judges and Esther. 
During the reign of Nebuchadnezzar, an army is sent to destroy the mountain town that Judith lives in. The people are greatly distressed and death seems to be the only option. Judith, a wealthy widow, trusts in the Lord and ultimately, kills the opposing military leader and brings peace to the people.
It is a story of God’s provision for His people in their exile through an unlikely source, a widow. In Judith, we see an archetype pointing to Mary and to the Church, waiting for her true Bridegroom. 
But it is also a story that points to the Lord’s desire to draw all nations to Himself! One of my favorite parts of the book of Judith is that it tells us of the conversion of a man who initially sets out to fight the Jewish people coming to believe in the God of Abraham, Issac, and Jacob. 
“And when Achior saw all that the God of Israel had done, he believed firmly in God, and was circumcised, and joined the house of Israel.” - Judith 14:10
It beautiful reminder that God’s deliverance is for all mankind. 
#proverbs31woman #proverbs31 #womenintheword  #virtuouswoman #godlywoman #godsgirl #christianliving #butgod #blessedandhighlyfavored #trustgod #daughteroftheking #walkbyfaith #daughterofaking #beautyfromashes #graceupongrace #dailydevotional #faithjourney #jesuslover #faithblogger #godisgood #graceoverperfection #michiganblogger #wordbeforworld #encouragingquotes #christianlife #christianencouragement
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Judith is another archetypal story of the battle being won at the hand of a woman, seen also in Judges and Esther. During the reign of Nebuchadnezzar, an army is sent to destroy the mountain town that Judith lives in. The people are greatly distressed and death seems to be the only option. Judith, a wealthy widow, trusts in the Lord and ultimately, kills the opposing military leader and brings peace to the people. It is a story of God’s provision for His people in their exile through an unlikely source, a widow. In Judith, we see an archetype pointing to Mary and to the Church, waiting for her true Bridegroom. But it is also a story that points to the Lord’s desire to draw all nations to Himself! One of my favorite parts of the book of Judith is that it tells us of the conversion of a man who initially sets out to fight the Jewish people coming to believe in the God of Abraham, Issac, and Jacob. “And when Achior saw all that the God of Israel had done, he believed firmly in God, and was circumcised, and joined the house of Israel.” - Judith 14:10 It beautiful reminder that God’s deliverance is for all mankind. #proverbs31woman #proverbs31 #womenintheword #virtuouswoman #godlywoman #godsgirl #christianliving #butgod #blessedandhighlyfavored #trustgod #daughteroftheking #walkbyfaith #daughterofaking #beautyfromashes #graceupongrace #dailydevotional #faithjourney #jesuslover #faithblogger #godisgood #graceoverperfection #michiganblogger #wordbeforworld #encouragingquotes #christianlife #christianencouragement
1 month ago
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