I’ve been in a season of confusion. I feel like one of the psalmists. The surety I had even a year ago has been replaced by me alternately looking around in confusion and waving my hands, trying to get God’s attention as if I need to remind Him I’m still here, needing Him to guide me. 

Because I’m desperately unsure of what God is doing. Plans that God laid on my heart seem to be lost through new obstacles that He is not removing. Everything feels smaller and less possible than it did a year ago when I felt God calling me to big plans and bigger dreams. So where is He now? 

Is God still working in this mess?

Did I misunderstand what God was wanting me to do or is this simply a trial of faith where I need to stand, trusting in a power not my own?

My mind scampers down rabbit trails, frantically trying to control the world around me instead of trusting in the One who holds all things together. Even if I have failed, He does not. So in times of confusion, I remind myself of who I am and who my Savior is. 

Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God.  – Romans 8:26-27, ESV

Even when I am confused and unsure of the path ahead, the Holy Spirit works on my behalf, praying according to God’s will and interceding for me. My ways are not God’s ways. Even my prayers falter because of my broken human nature. 

Instead of living based on the assumption that all relies on me, I need to remember that God recognizes my brokenness. While I should strive to honor Him in all I do, in time I confusion I need to dwell upon the truth that God already knows I will not pray as I ought and is working on my behalf. 

Especially when I am confused and uncertain of the road ahead, I need to trust that the Holy Spirit is praying for me in ways I cannot comprehend.

My own strength is not enough, I need to rely on God’s perfect will for my life and Holy Spirit’s ability to help me navigate through my weakness.

And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. – Romans 8:28, ESV

When I am lost and confused, I need to remember that even my mistakes are being redeemed by God. I serve that same God that used Joseph’s enslavement, false conviction, and imprisonment to save the nation of Israel and lead Joseph to a position of unprecedented power in the nation of Egypt. No matter how much confusion I feel, no matter how desperately I wave my hands around trying to cinch the attention of the Almighty, this truth is unchanging: He is still the God who works all things for the good of His people. 

My way may be cloudy and uncertain. The path God ordains may take me through forests where I cannot see ahead, but no matter what my eyes see, my heart must rely on His unchanging character. 

While I cannot see the road ahead clearly and my own desire for control is unmet, I can trust that the same God who set the Earth in rotation, draws in the tide, and knit me together in my mother’s womb is still working behind the scenes of my life. 

For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers – Romans 8:29, ESV

God’s goals are different than my goals.

If I were left in charge of my life, nothing would be out of the control of my hands. I would be able to manipulate everything around me so that my life would be pain-free and easy to handle, playing out like a montage in a Disney movie. 

But God has other plans, better plans than I would choose for myself. God doesn’t simply want to whisk away pain, He wants to redeem it and use all He allows in my life as a means of transformation. 

My controlled, pain-free life? It would not require much of me. I would never need to rely on God’s strength and provision. The fruits of the Holy Spirit in my life, they would have few opportunities to evidence themselves. 

Instead of seeking simply to placate my desires, God is using each and every opportunity to help me along the path of sanctification, making me more and more like Jesus. 

During every moment of confusion and doubt in where my path is leading, I need to hold these truths close to my heart. God’s plans go beyond what my eyes can see but never beyond what He has ordained. 

I may not have answers and I certainly do not have the control I desire, but I do have hope in the midst of this murky season. Hope works beyond what is in front of me and reminds me of the deeper reality that runs through all of Creation. The reality that God has not abandoned His people in their weakness, but is still advocating for them through the Holy Spirit, redeeming them through the blood of Jesus, and ordaining each and every step of the way by the will of God the Father. 

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